i'm on my monk shit
in this life, you either yap or get yapped
I’m yapping today
This summer leaves me on a cold September evening. I can feel Autumn creeping up on me when the wind bites my earlobes and fingertips a bit harder than I remember. It was a short and unforgettable summer that felt like a split second. It wasn’t that ‘time flies by when you are having fun’ type of summer; it was a flop, in fact, a hell of a summer for me that I’d very much like to forget.
Bear with me as I figure out these new revelations and multitude of realizations since shaving my head, it has very little to do with me being bald (maybe a little bit). I’ve broken this post down into 3 sections: exposure therapy, learning, and falling in love again. Read this in whichever order you want.
I’ve been having fun making bald jokes; there are endless bald jokes, and I love it so much. I biked to the park to test out my aerodynamics without hair, sat on the bench, and people-watched. I noticed an older guy on his bike had a double-take looking at me, and he contemplated approaching me. He asked if he could join me at the other end. I responded with a very skeptical “Sure”. He sat down and sparked up a conversation with “I love your hair.” “If you don’t mind me asking, why did you decide to do it?” I briefly explained to him the reasons. To preface, he wasn’t creepy or weird (thank god). He had asked me what I do, and he said, “Oh, that makes sense’’ when I told him I’m an artist/painter. He said that it made sense to me who I was and how to present myself to the world. The conversation we had was sweet. Turns out, he went to the same University back in the day for the same BFA I’m currently in. We ended up having a lot in common in the ways we view art and navigate our practices, and he gave me some advice. After a short 15-minute exchange, he got up and thanked me for the conversation. We said our ‘goodbyes‘ and ‘lovely to meet you’. His name is Din. He regretted not having his sketch book with him, because he wanted to draw a portrait of me sitting on the bench, which I thought was very sweet.
#exposuretherapy
This quick interaction reminded me of Father Bronques, Make Art Not Content Podcast, specifically ‘How I, An Introvert, Became An Extrovert’, a short 7-minute episode. In this episode, Father Bronques discuss our relationships with the people around us (strangers, by-walkers, bystanders, etc.) and the endless opportunities and possible connections we may have with those people are unknown until we approach them with a conversation. He set up an experiment with his friend at a mall; their task was to approach 10 different and random people and spark up a conversation with them. This experiment of rejection therapy/exposure therapy is when you willingly put yourself in a situation where the worst thing they can do is say no. The goal of rejection therapy is to get rejected as much as possible so you can become more confident to put yourself out there. The result of Father Bronques’s and his friend’s experiment will reveal itself when you listen to the 7-minute episode.
Going back to my interaction with Din. He, a stranger, made me feel seen and inspired when he decided to ask if he could sit with me. I met another artist like myself, and we shared our artworks, beliefs, and passions. Although our conversation was brief and random, he inspired me to do this more for myself. To bring myself out there and connect with other people. This is my desire to do this experiment, putting myself through rejection/exposure therapy, out of curiosity about people.
A big part of my art revolves around relationships with people in my life, I draw out their influences, their beliefs, their personalities in which makes me feel inspired to have such curiosity in my practice. It pushes boundaries, questions and ideas. Nonetheless, taking on this challenge will be interesting, but I’m excited for all the conversations that I will be having with these strangers on the streets.
#learning
I feel the overwhelming digital landscape that we are in, the mindless consumption of reels, news, knowledge, and stupid videos online. Scrolling is now becoming a mind-numbing habit by the tip of our thumbs. Before I know it, an hour has already gone by, and I need to get the fuck up out of my bed. I watched a YouTube video titled “Brain Rot and The Fight To Feel Sharp Again,” as it appeared in my recommended videos. [She] extracts wisdom from profound thinkers Simone Weil and Florence Scovel Shinn to reclaim our attention from those digital platforms and transform our daily experience and habits. It’s an informative video to watch as she breaks down all these norms. What was interesting in the video was when she talked about how some people struggle to take on the slow method of learning, such as reading. This stems from the influence and results of how fast we are ingesting information with the development of technology and the convenience of our devices.
A snippet in the video, she talks about learning and that we should learn for the sake of learning itself. This brings me to reflect on what learning means to me in my life and practice. I tend to take on many different hobbies and skills. Some of the things I’ve picked up over the past year: stained glass art, leather making, whittling, welding, and casting bronze sculpture. I’m now getting into weaving. I had a hard time explaining to people why I often do these side quests. For me, there is nothing more interesting than taking up challenges that make me question my ability and capacity of learning something new. I love learning new skills and hobbies, not for the sake of knowing how to do it at the end. It wasn’t always about the end product. But enjoying all the-knowing-nothing, starting from ground zero to being comfortable, to getting the groove, and honing that thing. It’s getting to the meditative state of learning and teaching myself to do something, which is the most rewarding thing to me. It rewires my brain differently; it lets me be curious and question. Learning takes patience and the willingness to enjoy every part of it.
The curiosity in expanding knowledge and skills keeps me fulfilled. To be repeatedly active in learning.
I’ve made it a subconscious part of my brain on my walks or bike rides, when I see a cool bench, a cool window, a cool ‘thing’, I think of all the different ways I would go about making that ‘thing’. I’m not sure if many people do this, but it’s something that tickles my brain to observe and be present in the environments around me.
#fallinginlove #again
I was reading back in my journal entries, and I had to giggle at my writing because in the moment when I was writing - angry and upset - I was very dramatic (a fair reaction at the time). Not to go into details, but I started the entry with “August 18, 2025, never falling in love ever again.” Which, now, I disagree because since then, I have fallen in love again, not with another person, but with myself, which is SO much BETTER. I’m fulfilling what I want and desire, and love for myself. I no longer yearn for these feelings from another person because I’ve been doing it for myself.
I want to resurface a poem I wrote while being left like a stray dog looking for treats in a relationship. My longing for that very romance and intimacy for being love and desire - I no longer search for that in anyone else. I’m falling in love with life, being by myself in it, I’m learning how to be present, show up for myself, and the people in my life. The joke I like to say is that “I am the MAN I deserve!”
Love your neighbours. If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself.
Go on a walk,
Write a list of gratitudes,
Anyways,
Love,
-J
beautiful, so proud of u
the sweetest words always